Dear family and friends,
Advent greetings from Berlin!  And what do frogs have to do with Christmas?!  (And frogs and Christmas don’t even form an alliteration…!)  You know the phenomena I’m referring to though, that a frog can, apparently, be boiled alive, and not jump out to save its life, slowly acclimatizing to the danger it is in…  Meet yours truly, the frog…
Health Alert—Operation airlift!
Exactly three years ago, just when I was about to return for what turned out to be my last year in Nigeria, blood tests from a routine checkup revealed that my liver enzymes were twice normal.  The day I flew out of PA another blood sample was taken, and more tests done.  Hepatitis A, B and C were ruled out immediately.  A tropical disease was therefore suspected, and I started seeing doctors in Nigeria.  I had no identifiable symptoms, but I was still taking this seriously.  During my last year in Nigeria we monitored monthly the liver enzymes’ mysterious climb to four times normal, changed my malaria prophylactic, and saw some decline.  An American doctor in Nigeria mentioned that she too, had slightly elevated liver enzymes, but did not seem to be compromised.  Leaving Nigeria Christmas 2005 allowed me to end the prophylactic, which we assumed to be the culprit. 

In 2006 I was itinerating to come to Germany.  At some point I got back to PA, and back to the doctors who initially discovered the liver enzyme problem, and another blood test was done.  The enzymes were still elevated, but other than that all looked normal. I was tired (itinerant lifestyle, reverse culture-shock, public speaking, the beginning of DMin studies), endured mood swings and hot flashes (hormone imbalances?), but all seemed within the realm of “normal” for my age and circumstances. 

This past year has been more of the same, though I started having “ice-pick” headaches, more aches and pains, more weariness, but also significantly more discouragement, anxiety, and fear.  Blood tests were elevated, so we did an ultra sound on my liver, and except for an immeasurable (less than the size of a pinprick), unidentifiable spot, my liver looked fine.   I knew I wasn’t as happy as I had been—but attributed that mostly to challenge of reverse culture shock—and the demands of a new assignment.  Nevertheless, there were especially dark and confusing times, and moments of real failure—I was finding it more difficult to hang onto Words of Life for myself, let alone have them for others.  I fought with the Lord, that He was making a huge mistake in sending me to Germany, but He seemed only to repeatedly confirm the call by His Word to my soul.  Though there were very good days, there were other moments when I knew that I didn’t have any reason at all to be sad, and every reason to rejoice in the Lord and in His wonderful plan for my life—but felt the joy of life escaping my grasp like a vapor.  Shadows overcame me, and though the Word of God continually touched my heart in sermons and my own readings, it was so hard to hold on to it, meditate on it, and abide in Christ.  Your many words of encouragement and pledged financial support over this last year really strengthened me to continue—and actually arrive in Germany!  However, here too, I have wrestled deeply with a darkness of soul, in addition to an ever-increasing physical weakness.  Working out in the gym seemed to drain instead of energize me, and then, uncharacteristically, I went from one cold to another—each worse than the one before.  However, our whole team was suffering from colds, and everything was new—church, work, apartment, friends, there were extra stairs to climb, many wonderful visitors to entertain, and to some extent a new country and language.   Nevertheless, I thought some medical help might exist, and headed off to the doctor’s in September.  Then, just when I thought I had some medicine to help me through, another blood test revealed my liver enzymes had escalated to a level 12 times normal…  That’s when I was referred to a specialist, and since then have had numerous additional blood tests and a liver biopsy (delayed once by bronchitis). 

Thanksgiving (Amer.) the results confirmed I have a relatively rare liver condition (1 of 50,000)—auto immune hepatitis.  My liver was attacking itself, and increasingly unable to do its job of removing the toxins from my body.  The composite pathology score on my liver is 11/18.  No one knows where the disease comes from or why it hits women more than men, ages 20-40 (age-wise I should have escaped!).  Fortunately I have come to an excellent internist, who was immediately able to put things together—even other odd things I hadn’t bothered mentioning, like tingling in my extremities (slept wrong), pain in my joints (age), skin blemishes (German chocolate!), a greying complexion (age)...  For the last two weeks I’ve been on prednisone, and it’s hard to describe the changes I’ve experienced!  The attack of this disease is being arrested and three years of damage reversed, and I’m being released from the cage I’ve been in—physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  The hymns that I used to wake up with in the morning have begun to return to me!  I’m being airlifted out!!!  H a l l e l u i a h...!!! 

For the last two weeks I’ve hardly been able to do much but sleep; I’ve been so exhausted from fighting—on all fronts—and now I’m so relieved for the battle to have been taken away from me, to be fought by that which can actually win it.  I’m also on antibiotics for the bronchitis that had adhered itself to me the last two months.  What mercy and grace that there is wisdom, competence, facilities and medicine to counteract these diseases—large and “small”!  I’m so grateful for another lease on life—and with joy!!!

Prednisone, in two short weeks, has brought my liver values to near normal!  The initial high dose has been brought down, and will continue to come down, by God’s grace.  Unfortunately this drug is not without its weird, wild and very wicked side-effects which could destabilize the airlift operation, which we are trying to avoid by all means.  Still, I have to expect to be on some measure of the drug for the next year, after which we hope that my liver will have recovered sufficiently to resume its normal functions.  Medically there’s a 50% probability for a cure, and getting off prednisone completely.

A page out of Job’s early days?
The Matthias family generally is going through some challenging times.  Late September my brother Rex flew off his motorcycle while enjoying an afternoon of autumn colours, and in landing, broke eight bones in his neck and back, and badly bruised his lungs.  God spared his life, and thankfully he walked out of the hospital about ten days later!!!  He is now recovering well, though his favorite black runs on the slopes of the Rockies will not see him with the volunteer ski patrol very soon.  Please pray for his complete recovery.  And now another brutal shock wave has hit us…  This week my mother (the mountain woman planning to climb Kilimanjaro this summer) was told that she has breast cancer.  In the next days we’ll receive details of what that means.  All of you who know me know that my mother, of all the people who walk the earth, is dearest to me—and central to our family.  Please pray for her healing, and that she may deeply know the love of God for her.  My brother and I have been miraculously been given a new lease on life; please pray this will be so for our Mom too.  At the same time, when my mother was about to call my sister, Connie called her to tell her of the rapid demise of her dear and wonderful father-in-law, as well as her marathon running partner, Chris (suffering with ALS).   This past week Mom’s brother was also suddenly hospitalized and her sister-in-law found a re-occurance of skin cancer...  Our family that has enjoyed much blessing is now hurting!

We human beings are “meaning-makers” and these events beg many questions!  It is a mystery that suffering can be good for souls—by the working of God’s gracious Spirit.  That is what I am trusting for now.  Amazing is also the complexity and mystery of our mind/body interweavings and outworkings!  I was still recognizably myself in all of my frog-like failings this last year—even to my family—and yet not quite myself either.  To some degree, those who’ve just gotten to know me over the last year have not really come to know the real me—though my weaknesses and dreadful sins are also a real part of my old nature.  I’m so grateful that during the last year of this disease, I was not primarily active in the care of souls, but in itinerating—because I found it difficult to speak the truth appropriately as I am called to do.  I look forward to a renewed fullness of the Spirit, making music in my heart to the Lord, and making the most of every opportunity in the days ahead.  May I have power to walk in step with the Spirit, and have more words of love, grace, wisdom and help!  Thank you for prayers to that end!

Ministry advances:  In spite of the health challenges, I was advancing well on my DMin studies, and in discerning my role and the mechanics of the work I’m to do at the Martin Bucer Seminary in Germany, the Lucas Church, and the Pankow church-plant.  I’m again more excited about this work!  Please pray that the Lord will continue to crystallize my responsibilities and move them forward!

Financial setbacks: I regret to have to mention this; the dollar has been falling in relation to the euro, and my portion of the health care expenses has been several hundred dollars…

The frog in the kettle at Christmas
In between long naps of recovery, I’ve benefited deeply from Miroslav Volf’s book, Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace--as I continue to wrestle with world inequities, which I feel more at Christmas.  How do I balance, for example, buying German Christmas decorations with sick and starving friends in Nigeria?  How do I avoid becoming a frog in the kettle of our Santa Claus culture?  I heartily recommend to you Volf’s personal, broad and insightful treatment of the subject theologically, philosophically and practically.  It’s a bit long, but let me include a wonderful excerpt on gift-giving at Christmas…
    Shopping is over, thoughtfully chosen gifts are strewn under the Christmas tree, and the long-awaited ritual begins.  Each person gives, and each receives.  No one gives first so that others feel obliged to reciprocate; all give and receive at the same time, or rather, each receives in turn so that all can rejoice with one another.  Each is grateful, each generous, and all are rejoicing in each other’s joy.  Gifts themselves are no longer just things that people need, like, or desire.  They are sacraments of love, both divine and human.  By giving gifts, givers offer their very selves.  And by offering themselves, they sacrifice nothing, because in giving, they receive more than they grant.  The whole ritual is a feast of delight—delight in things given, delight in acts of giving and receiving, delight in persons giving and receiving, and delight in the community constituted and enacted by the whole process. 
   When we have engaged in such giving, we have tasted the advent of God’s new world in which love reigns.  What better expression of the spirit of God’s advent could there be than a community of joyful givers and grateful receivers?  [However], the exchange of gifts within community is not the only kind of giving we should practice at Christmas.  Gifts should also cross the boundary of the circle.  But the communal feast of mutual delight is the best image we have of God’s coming new world… 
   But there is something very one-sided about celebrating Christmas only by ritually enacting a community of joyous giving and receiving.  Though such a loving community is an earthly good on par with any other, in a world of massive and unrelenting need, it’s positively sinful for such communities to remain turned inward.  The gifts should not just circulate within the community to delight its members.  They should also flow to outsiders to alleviate their needs. 
   Consider the true gift we celebrate at Christmas, God’s advent into the world…  The Son of God did not dwell among humans just to open our vista onto the circle of blissful exchanges within the Godhead.  He divested himself of heavenly wealth and became an impoverished child so the fragile flesh of humanity could be taken up into God’s embrace.  The circle of the Eternal Intimates opened up, and gifts traversed its boundaries to reach those in need.  Our gifts shouldn’t just travel on a two-way street so givers and receivers can delight in one another; they should travel on a one-way street so that the needy may be helped, being imparted to those who may not be able to give in return.
   At Christmas we should celebrate two kinds of gift giving, not just one.  Christmas should be a feast of reciprocal giving in a circle of intimates, a provisional enactment of the advent of God’s future world.  But it should also be a feast of giving to those outside the circle, a small contribution helping to align the world of sin and need with the coming world of love.  The advent of the light into the darkness of the world is not the goal; it is part of the movement toward the goal.  At Christmas we celebrate this movement.  Gifts should therefore chiefly flow out to the needy; they shouldn’t largely circulate among friends….
   We give because God’s gifts “flow over”…over the rim of God’s eternal life and over the rim of our own needs…
   The best gift we can give to each other may be neither a thing (like a diamond ring) nor an act (like and embrace), but our own generosity.  With that “indescribable gift” called Christ, God gave us a generous self and a community founded on generosity.  Such a self bestows gifts freely.  It gives because it delights in the beloved and can’t endure the need of the needy.  In giving, it subverts hierarchies and transforms rivalries into mutual exaltations.  And in all of this, it forges lasting bonds of reciprocal love.  At the most basic level, generosity itself is exchanged in all our gift exchanges: My generosity is reciprocated by your generosity, and the circle of mutual love keeps turning.
   How should we give?  By letting our generosities dance together! 

This Christmas may you know more of the joy of generosity of giving and receiving in the ways of God, imaging Him and enjoying Him and one another—moving us to a glorious eternity!  Thank you again for your wonderful love and friendship, as well as partnership to advance the Light of the world in Berlin and beyond.  Thank you for your prayers!  God willing, I’ll be celebrating Christmas here in Berlin with dear friends from PA (Karen & Tim Schoch), within the circle of friends from the Berlin team and the German church.  May the Lord be with us—and you all!  With joy in Him, Elizabeth